Single or married; which is better?

 We hold a wedding ceremony and party on 17th May. I felt time flies on that day!
I felt nervous a little, but the ceremony and party went smoothly. Our family and friends congratulated us deeply. They seemed to be happy, in particular my aunt wept for happiness throughout the ceremony and party. Of course we were very happy too!!
My former teacher and his boss offered their congratulations, and his friend and daughters of my cousin sang for us. We had a very good time and I would remember the day forever.

 Next day, we went our honeymoon to New Caledonia. Actually, the company that I’m engaged asked all employees not to go abroad because new type flu spread the world. But I didn’t worry about flu, so I informed my boss of our honeymoon. He permitted to go abroad under the condition I got in touch him when I arrived to Japan.
It was first time we went to New Caledonia. It was a very nice place! The blue sky and the sea were very beautiful, the food was delicious, and the people were very kind. I was impressed that they enjoyed sports (cycling, running, windsurfing etc) very much. We spend 10 days in New Caledonia and we enjoyed scuba. We hoped to go there again.

 One month passed after I began to live with him. I try to compare my life before and after marriage.
 For example, I had eaten out for dinner when I was single. I don’t eat much, so eating-out is inexpensive than cooking. Now, I cook for us. I go home earlier than him usually. When I leave the office, I buy food at a supermarket and cook dinner and wait for him. I don’t know when he comes home. I have to wait him over one hour sometimes. I go to bed later than before. I enjoy dinner with him, but I couldn’t spend time freely unlike before.

And he pays attention to details always. He is good at housecleaning and washing. I am thankful him very much, but I am tired when he blame me for household matters. I think he is nagging sometimes.

Money management is one of the important things. We settled pocket money and we promised to transfer the rest to our bank account. We can’t spend money freely unlike before.

 However I don’t regret that I got married. Though I have some dissatisfaction, I enjoy my life with him. I have good experience which I can’t have if I don’t get married. But I don’t think that married women are happier than single women. Single women can may things freely, so they don’t have to envy married women.

 Anyway, I enjoy my life with him fully until I will become a single again when he dies or I’m divorced with him!

This is my final article. I’m very glad to get many comments from various countries.
Thank you very much for reading!!


Just Married!

We registered our marriage and moved to a new apartment last weekend.
We were busy to prepare new life. Now, we settle in a new apartment.
I had never experienced house-moving until now, but he had experienced it many times. I discovered his good points through house-moving. He is very sensible, skillful, and powerful. So, house-moving went very smoothly. My marriage blue has gone and I enjoy my new life.
He had lived alone for long time, so he is good at housework. I think we lived together comfortably.

Our wedding ceremony is approaching. The preparation completed. But I have something worry about our honeymoon. You know, new type flu has spread over the world. New Caledonia where our honeymoon place has not discovered infected person yet. But Japanese airport quarantine strictly. And our company recommends to not going to other country even if infected person has not discovered. But we are going to go to honeymoon as scheduled. In my opinion, the flu is not fearful in all countries expect Mexico.

Every married Japanese woman says it is hard to get along with their mother-in-low. My husband’s mother is very kind and cheerful, so I like her. But I have to associate with her for long time. You never know!!

I’m looking forward to the wedding ceremony and honeymoon! But I expect I am going to be very busy before and after vacation. I feel blue when I think that. So I try to think about only good things.

Our wedding ceremony will hold on 17th May. I’m going to write about it next month.


His decision

I’m sorry to make you worry!! I was encouraged by your comments. I’m going to get married as previously scheduled.

He hesitated to get married to me for a while. He experienced a divorce, so he took a prudent attitude. I believe he loves me. But I understand he loves his parents like me.
The situation was unbearable for me, but I waited for his decision. Finally, he decided to get married to me! He called his mother and said his decision. Unexpectedly, his mother said “That’s good! You are a well-matched couple. I’m very happy for hearing good news from you!”

His mother’s attitude had changed until he decided to get married to me. I guessed his parents needed time to accept my family. They worried because they don’t know actual foreigners in Japan very much. But they met me, and felt they don’t have to afraid of foreigners. I’m very glad to understand his parents don’t have a prejudice against our nation.

Now I try to explain Japanese traditional engagement.
When Japanese couple made a decision about their marriage, they exchanged “Yuino”. Yuino is a ceremony to establish a relationship between both families and they say that it originated in China and then was brought to Japan.

Engagement is materialized when the groom brings Sake and relish as “Yuimono” to the fiance’s house. “Yuimono” means to connect two families. Yuino as a ceremony has been carried over to this day, but Yuimono has changed over time and the articles that a groom brings is 9. Items such as “Konbu (=dried sea tangle)” which means to wish prosperity to the descendant, “Surume (=dried cuttlefish)” wishing the fiance good fortune, “Hakusen (=white folding fan)” wishing lasting household prosperity, “Naganoshi” which symbolizes longevity, “Kinpo-tusumi” is for saving money, etc.

However, the number of young people who don’t exchange Yuino is increasing especially in big cities. Yuino is a stiff ceremony, most young people favors casual style. We considered we didn’t have to exchange Yuino. Instead of Yuino, my family and his family had a lunch at a traditional Japanese restaurant. I worried my parents could make close his parents. But I was overanxious. We talked freely, we enjoyed our first meeting. It seems our parents are favorably disposed each other.

My anxiety has gone. I love him more than before. Next we have to moving house. We have already found a new apartment. It’s near an apartment which he lives now. We plan to move at the end of April, so we are very busy now!


A delicate and serious problem

Hello, everyone. Thank you for comments!
I’d like to write a delicate and serious topic today. This topic is difficult to write here because many countries people read this blog. But this problem is very important for me and our marriage.

I am Japanese. My mother and my sister are too. But some Japanese don’t consider we are “normal Japanese” because my father isn’t Japanese (I’m afraid to write his nationality. So I’m sorry that I can’t write here). He was born in Japan and has lived here during all his life. He graduated Japanese university. But he is a foreigner in Japan. Most of Japanese company didn’t want to employ him for discrimination and prejudice. So he worked at a small trade company which was found by his country’s people. He retired now and enjoyed his life with his wife and a dog. He is very cheerful and tough, I’m proud of him.

There is an ethnic discrimination for his country’s people in Japan. When he married my mother, my grandmother (my mother’s mother) opposed their marriage because she worried about her daughter’s difficulties which she might happen to meet. She said to my father, “Please don’t married my daughter.” She didn’t come to their wedding party. But she accepted my father when I was born. Thereafter my father gets along with my grandmother.

After I graduated a Japanese college, I could be employed in a Japanese company because I was a specialist. If I don’t have any skill or expertise, it might difficult to be employed in a Japanese company. An ethnic discrimination affect not only himself but also his family.

My fiancé doesn’t care my father’s nationality. But his parents has a prejudice, they oppose our marriage. So he is suffering now. He wants to be congratulated by his parents. And he worry that I can get along with his parents (I don’t have a confidence about this problem!!).

He may hesitate to get marry when his parents oppose strongly. If he more values his parents than me, I have to break off our engage. I don’t want to be disappointed in him….He seems to begin to find my fault. We often quarrel about small things recently. I really never know what might happen next.

I have never felt ethnic discrimination until recently. I have never happened to meet any ethnic trouble, so I thought ethnic discrimination has faded. Actually, many sensible Japanese people don’t care nationality. But job-hunting and marriage are difficult problem for foreigners in Japan even if he was born in Japan like my father.

Former days, There were strong discrimination and prejudice. Then my father experienced many troubles especially regarding job-hunting and marriage. But he said to me, “Don’t hate his parents. It is a matter of course that parents worry about their children. They will accept you when you live together happily.” I agree his opinion. My mother dared to get married my father and they live happily now. But does my fiancé dare to get married me? Is he enough tough to oppose his parents?

I don’t hate his parents at the moment. But I am irritated about his attitude. He should say his intention to his parents firmly if he really wants to get married me. I guess if his attitude is firm, his parents accept his opinion unwillingly. I want to see his toughness!!

Next month we should mail invitation cards for wedding ceremony. Before we are going to mail those, I want to confirm his intention. I think he is a little irresolute. Can we get married without accident? And should I get married him? Is this marriage blue?

But I don’t be depressed. Of course I wish get married him now. But this is a good opportunity that I can see true his character. If he isn’t a person who I think, I would miss him but I should say goodbye to him.


My friends and family’s response to my marriage

Hi! Thank you for congratulations and best wishes, everyone.
After I got engaged, I informed my friends and relatives of my marriage. Of course, everyone congratulated me!!

But one of my friends (she is a single) send me e-mail. She wrote “Congratulation! But I feel lonely. I became last single person around me. Why did you decide to get married?” I answered, “I want to have my family.” She asked again, “Why did you choose him?” I answered, “I can enjoy conversation with him, and we have similar a sense of values and life style.”

But she didn’t agree with me. She said, “I think women suffer a loss if they get marriage. Married women must do most of housework, child-care, and parents’ care while they work at workplace. Moreover, they can’t fall in love anymore. You can live with him if you don’t get married. I ask again why you will get married.”

She doesn’t want her children and want her boyfriend always. These are difference between her and me. I want my children and husband rather than many boyfriends.

A Japanese feminist wrote in her book “Unmarried person want to get married, married person want to get divorced. But married person don’t get divorced if they can’t get divorce for economic or social reasons.” Is it true? I can’t answer now because I don’t have an experience. But I think marriage is worthwhile.

On the other hand, my family and most of friends congratulated me very much. I am deeply moved by their congratulations. They were very glad to hear I would get married (especially my parents!). I want to say thanks everyone includes people who are reading this blog!!

We went to see a hotel in Tokyo, and we decided we would hold a wedding party there on May. The hotel is a long established and is located near to one of the biggest stations in Tokyo. So our guests will be able to go to the hotel easily. We reserved an upper level floor room because we could see a fine panorama of Tokyo. We are going to invite about 40-50 people. I hope everyone enjoy our party!

We don’t have any big trouble until now. But I get in a quarrel with him sometimes. For example, I was quarreling with him for our honeymoon. I want to go to a beach resort and do scuba diving because we are divers. But he wants me to get advanced license before we go to do scuba diving. I said to him, “I have no time to get the license before our honeymoon.” He said, “If you don’t have an advanced license, we should not do scuba diving.” I think we can enjoy scuba if I don’t have an advanced license. But he doesn’t think so. I want him to be gentler.

After all, we decided to go to a beach resort. I won!

Anyway, I went to go to the hotel with my mother for selecting a wedding dress (we are going to hold a wedding ceremony at a wedding chapel). I’m glad to wear a wedding dress!! Kimono (Japanese dress) is also beautiful, but I don’t like Kimono very much because I breathed with difficulty and couldn’t eat fully when I wore Kimono. I chose a beautiful dress. Generally, Japanese brides change their dresses (white dress, color dress, or Kimono) more than once during a wedding party, but I’m not going to change my dress because I want to wear a white dress long time.

I called the dating agency to tell we engaged and want to cancel the membership. The agency required us to submit a notice of withdrawal. We will receive repayment from the agency because we canceled the service before the contract expires. Moreover we can get a wedding present (I don’t know specifically now) from the agency. Before I became a member of the agency, I doubted whether I could find my husband. But now, I think it was the best way to get marry for me.